This Merkur Is Not A Mustang – $2,200 (MA)

I wrote this ad to sell my crappy car.

It worked.

Don't buy this car, it's not a mustang.

No one will race you at stoplights. No teenagers will say, "Cool car, man," run their hands over the faded paint. No one will know how to pronounce the name.

If you buy this car your spouse won't understand. "It's ugly," they'll say. Even after you explain that it's turbocharged, has a big VAM, an la3 computer, and a Porsche 944 intercooler, it won't matter. They'll just say, "But, what is it?"

This car is not a mustang, but it is a Ford. Sort of. This german-designed, executive tuner was Ford's mid-80's answer to BMW. If you want the "respect" that comes from driving a BMW, don't buy this car. 

The large hatchback is full of spare parts. No one knows what this car is, but the parts are easy to find and cheap. I'll give them all to you. You'll need them. This is being sold as is, because it needs a new turn signal in the front until it can pass inspection. If you can't change the turn signal light, don't buy this car.

If you want to cruise down Main Street and look cool, blasting the stereo, don't buy this. No one will think you're cool. The upgraded speaker head unit, the subwoofer in the back, even the brand new speakers won't change their minds.

This car is not a mustang. It doesn't have a big V8 that rumbles and shakes the car. This is the other guy, the one with a BOV and turbo fluter that makes tough guys giggle.

For those that know what a BOV is, then you'll know how to fix a hesitation issue standing in the way of a decent quarter mile. For those who know what XR4TI stands for, buy this car. I want to park cash in my garage where this car currently sits, far from the weather.

Don't buy this car if you want to show off in the high school parking lot. This car is not a mustang.

Buy this car if you want to be faster than a mustang.

What's Your Next Project?

I loved ​every one of that car's idiosyncrasies. It was a project.

Plus, I knew any serious buyer would notice each imperfection. I knew the market was specific for this car, so I made sure to be specific. I also knew that Craigslist is full of scam artists, window shoppers, and tire kickers, but that another segment was the enthusiast, the one looking for a project.

I'm looking for my next project.

What story are you trying to tell next with your branded content? What customers segments are the segments worth your next investment in resources. The only way to know if content works is if it's directly tied to your business revenue. Have you decided where to place your next investment in content––is it the right medium for the message? 

And for those few readers who actually know what a tuner car can do on the road: I look at all of your brand's content like looking at a fuel map. Everything can be tracked, words to dollars.


Let's make sure your branded content engine is running right.

–Ben Duchesney

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